AN UNCLE'S GOODBYE

The Seaside. This is where he used to bring us when me & Kamil were still young.

Josh, Kamil & Tito Nonoy during our vacation in Zamboanga City 2009.

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

And now, that is the only thing I can do – to reminisce about those times when we were together, your laugh echoes in my mind, your smile as the last beautiful thing I’ve seen since we left Zamboanga City. I am glad that we were able to be with you and Tito Nap after 10 years of being apart, and happier that at least somehow we were able to show you how much we love you.

I can still recall those nights when we were still young, and you would bring us near the seashore and allow us to play as much as we want. You made us feel free since no one else was as lax and loose as you are. You did not scold us when we stumble and get hurt you just simply tell us that it’s alright to get hurt. You did not tell us what to do and what not to do. I won’t forget those times when you would sleep beside us and let us play with your right arm, which you would sometimes use to get us to sleep (since you know that we get scared at times with your “snake” arm).

And we spent our vacation in Zamboanga last year; you were the one who fetch me from the port. When we were about to go back, you brought me and Kamil back to the pier, and didn’t leave until the ferry left. It hurts whenever I remember that exact moment, leaving Zamboanga – leaving the people we love.

You taught us how to live life to the fullest, to think of our every experience as an opportunity to grow up. You taught us how to live life in simplicity and to love unconditionally. And those lessons will never be forgotten along with the memories we had together. We love you so much Tito Nonoy!

Wherever you are, I know that you are happier – to be with the One who gave you to us, along with Lolo Johnny, Lola Gloria, Tito Gener and Mommy. Please send our love to heaven.

THE FOUR OF US

The four of us together - daddy, mommy, me & kamil.

A few days from now, we will be celebrating your birthday. Kamil and I are planning to get you a yellow dress since yellow is your favorite color. Daddy will go home early from the office and prepare his own surprise for you, a huge bouquet of white roses.

At 5pm, the three of us – Me, Daddy and Kamil will be waiting for you at home. At 5:30pm, we will hear the sound of the two bells dangling from your keychain as you turn the doorknob open. You find your way in and turn on the lights. Then a tear falls from your eyes. You are overwhelmed to see the three of us happily smiling and singing our own version of the Happy Birthday Song for you. You’ll come closer to us, the four of us holding on to each other tightly, the four of us TOGETHER.

That is how your 50th birthday ought to be celebrated, the four of us together, inseparable, filled with so much joy and so much love. But He took you away from us when you were 37.

I know that day will come when I can feel your loving arms once again, when I can stare at your gentle eyes and get lost as you whisper my name and tell me how much I mean to you.

I just want to let you know that you were never forgotten. You will always and forever be in our hearts. I miss you. Happy Birthday Mommy!

BLANK SPACES

Not until we are lost do we begin to understand ourselves.

At first, I thought I was just lost and so I was trying to find my way but I ended up walking along the path of doubt and uncertainty.

At first, I thought I was in search of something to fill in the blank spaces in my life. In the long run, I ended up hurting the one whom, in the first place, I was trying to protect.

At first, I was filled with doubts for I do not know what is it that I am really looking for. But the times we spent together made me realize one thing. That I wasn't really looking for something. I was longing for someone.

I was longing for someone who will be there whenever the sun doesn't show,
someone who will tuck me in the night especially when it's cold outside,
someone who will understand my weaknesses and appreciate my strengths,
someone who will laugh at my silly jokes even if it isn't funny at all,
someone who will stay by my side when there's a thousand other better places to be,
someone who will not mind being with me despite what others might think,
someone who will trust me though everyone around do not agree,
someone who will take me as I am, for who I am, and for what I may become.

And time had made me realized that I was wrong for believing that there is still something lacking in my life. Time had taught me that the blank spaces I was trying to fill, had long been filled in – the moment you let me love you.