Time Machine

Well, it had been 16 years since I have last seen my mother. And the thought of not having her in our lives still lingers.

I would still think of the wonderful times we spent together. I love talking to her. Having her is incomparable to many other things I have now in my life. It felt like she was always interested to everything I say, whether it was all about the “watusi”, or the new structure I was able to build with my legos – things like that. Things that most matter to me as a child. Well, maybe it was all because I am her daughter. Maybe this is the reason why all that matters to me, are as important to her.

I look up to her. She was the best person in the world. Sometimes, I wonder what would be life with her by now, if she happens to be alive. Would she be still interested on the things that matter to me now?

I could even remember the time, 2 months after she passed away, when I was beginning to feel abandoned. I did not cry at the time when the news of her death was brought to us, it was only my sister who was crying at that particular time. I found no reason to cry. I lived on her promise.

My mother, after her surgery, usually cannot sleep immediately at night. I sleep beside her, even before she got sick. As the days passed, after she was diagnosed with brain cancer, she found it hard to fall asleep; it may be due to dozens of medicines she was taking. I remembered how paranoid I was, even as young as I was back then. I would try my best not to fall asleep because from time to time I would hug her and feel her heart beat. I would check for her breath every now and then. I am so afraid that she might just die in her sleep – I am so afraid of losing her.

I remembered one night when we just talked. We talked about anything under the heat of the sun. I told her every little thing I had in mind and she just listened and gave comments from time to time. Then, I do not know how I arrived at that particular question; it just popped immediately in my head - I asked her how she felt when she first saw me.

The reaction she gave me is still fresh in my mind, even up to now. She paused after I asked her that question. Then unnoticeably, a tear fell from her eyes. She said that the moment she laid her eyes on me, she felt so blessed and so happy. She told me that what she felt can never be described in words, but she tried her best to explain in a way that I, as a young child, would understand. She told me that after seeing me for the very first time, she felt all the love one can imagine. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She then ceased narrating her feelings, and just continued crying. At that moment, I was puzzled.

After a moment of silence, she then told me how afraid she was. She told me that she was not afraid of death at all, she was afraid of not being with us. She was afraid that we would eventually forget her and the times we spent together. At that time, I did not understand what she meant. Then as the years passed, I began to understand what she told me. I and my sister had been the best thing that ever happened to her, and she had given us with so much love. And it isn’t dying that feared her; it is the thought of not being with us.

I realized how much she loves me and my sister. And that love had made us strong and mature. Her love was enough to make her children grow wonderfully, as what she had planned it to be. I realized how great her love was that even with her absence she was able to make us grow uprightly and become better persons.

If there is one thing I want to happen, it would be to go back at the moment when she told me how afraid she was of not being with us. I would want to hug her and tell her that she shouldn’t be afraid because her great love for us was enough to make us feel that she had never left us. Her love and our memories together would always and forever be locked deep within our hearts. We love you Mommy!

The Four of Us

A few days from now, we will be celebrating your birthday. Kamil and I are planning to get you a yellow dress since yellow is your favorite color. Daddy will go home early from the office and prepare his own surprise for you, a huge bouquet of white roses.

At 5pm, the three of us – Me, Daddy and Kamil will be waiting for you at home. At 5:30pm, we will hear the sound of the two bells dangling from your keychain as you turn the doorknob open. You find your way in and turn on the lights. Then a tear falls from your eyes. You are overwhelmed to see the three of us happily smiling and singing our own version of the Happy Birthday Song for you. You’ll come closer to us, the four of us holding on to each other tightly, the four of us TOGETHER.

That is how your 50th birthday ought to be celebrated, the four of us together, inseparable, filled with so much joy and so much love. But He took you away from us when you were 37.

I know that day will come when I can feel your loving arms once again, when I can stare at your gentle eyes and get lost as you whisper my name and tell me how much I mean to you.

I just want to let you know that you were never forgotten. You will always and forever be in our hearts. I miss you. Happy Birthday Mommy!

Farewell

Death leaves a heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal.

And now, that is the only thing I can do – to reminisce about those times when we were together, your laugh echoes in my mind, your smile as the last beautiful thing I’ve seen since we left Zamboanga City. I am glad that we were able to be with you and Tito Nap after 10 years of being apart, and happier that at least somehow we were able to show you how much we love you.

I can still recall those nights when we were still young, and you would bring us near the seashore and allow us to play as much as we want. You made us feel free since no one else was as lax and loose as you are. You did not scold us when we stumble and get hurt you just simply tell us that it’s alright to get hurt. You did not tell us what to do and what not to do. I won’t forget those times when you would sleep beside us and let us play with your right arm, which you would sometimes use to get us to sleep (since you know that we get scared at times with your “snake” arm).

And we spent our vacation in Zamboanga last year; you were the one who fetch me from the port. When we were about to go back, you brought me and Kamil back to the pier, and didn’t leave until the ferry left. It hurts whenever I remember that exact moment, leaving Zamboanga – leaving the people we love.

You taught us how to live life to the fullest, to think of our every experience as an opportunity to grow up. You taught us how to live life in simplicity and to love unconditionally. And those lessons will never be forgotten along with the memories we had together. We love you so much Tito Nonoy!

Wherever you are, I know that you are happier – to be with the One who gave you to us, along with Lolo Johnny, Lola Gloria, Tito Gener and Mommy. Please send our love to heaven.

HSA Health Insurance

Health Savings Account (HSA) is defined as a medical savings account made available in the United States of America for the benefit of taxpayers who are also enrolled in a High Deductible Health Plan (HDHP). It is considered as an alternative to comprehensive health insurance such as a flexible spending account (FSA).  HSA benefits both the employer and the employee by providing lesser health insurance costs. It provides the society other means of paying their health care. The funds involve are not subject to federal income tax and therefore allow the people to save for possible future medical expenses, as well as for retiree health expenses.

Small businesses are the target and main focus of the introduction of HSA. The government of the United States developed means of helping small businesses. Large companies are estimated to spend about 6, 000 USD annually for each employee. According to some studies and surveys conducted by the Kaiser Family Institute together with The National Association of Health Underwriters, every year approximately 15 percent has increased from the budget of these large companies within 5 years to 700 USD monthly for the health care benefits of each employee. This pointed the need for developing alternative ways of providing health care benefits to employees without spending too much amount.

HSA is, in some way, similar with MSA or medical savings account. The latter has been introduced first prior to HSA, with the same intend or purpose. The main difference between HSA and other medical savings account is the fact that any employers, regardless of how big or small their company are, can offer an HSA account and health care plans to their employees. Medical savings account is only applicable to those who are self-employed, or has fewer employees.

Some of the benefits of HSA include the mere fact that it is used in combination with a high-deductible health plan, funds or contributions as well as payments for qualified medical expenses are free from tax since the employee is allowed to pay in a pretax basis. Accumulated interest is also tax-free. HSA also aids and facilitates employees to become better health care consumers. In HSA, savings are certainly owned by the employee himself and can therefore, move from one employer to another.

Despite its many benefits, HSA health insurance premiums still faces a number of criticisms mainly from consumer organizations like Consumers Union, and medical organizations like the American Public Health Association. According to these organizations, the only people who will receive the benefits of HSA are who have no health problems, physically-fit, healthy and younger employees. As quoted by a Stanford economist Victor Fuchs, "The main effect of putting more of it on the consumer is to reduce the social redistributive element of insurance."

THE FOUR OF US

The four of us together - daddy, mommy, me & kamil.

A few days from now, we will be celebrating your birthday. Kamil and I are planning to get you a yellow dress since yellow is your favorite color. Daddy will go home early from the office and prepare his own surprise for you, a huge bouquet of white roses.

At 5pm, the three of us – Me, Daddy and Kamil will be waiting for you at home. At 5:30pm, we will hear the sound of the two bells dangling from your keychain as you turn the doorknob open. You find your way in and turn on the lights. Then a tear falls from your eyes. You are overwhelmed to see the three of us happily smiling and singing our own version of the Happy Birthday Song for you. You’ll come closer to us, the four of us holding on to each other tightly, the four of us TOGETHER.

That is how your 50th birthday ought to be celebrated, the four of us together, inseparable, filled with so much joy and so much love. But He took you away from us when you were 37.

I know that day will come when I can feel your loving arms once again, when I can stare at your gentle eyes and get lost as you whisper my name and tell me how much I mean to you.

I just want to let you know that you were never forgotten. You will always and forever be in our hearts. I miss you. Happy Birthday Mommy!

TIME MACHINE

With mommy, during my 1st birthday.

Well, it had been 10 years since I have last seen my mother. And the thought of not having her in our lives still lingers.

I would still think of the wonderful times we spent together. I love talking to her. Having her is incomparable to many other things I have now in my life. It felt like she was always interested to everything I say, whether it was all about the “watusi”, or the new structure I was able to build with my legos – things like that. Things that matter to me as a child. Well, maybe it was all because I am her daughter. Maybe this is the reason why all that matters to me, are also important to her.

I look up to her. She was the best person in the world. Sometimes, I wonder what would be life with her by now, if she happens to be alive. Would she be still interested on the things that matter to me now?

I could even remember the time, 2 months after she passed away, when I was beginning to feel abandoned. I did not cry at the time when the news of her death was brought to us, it was only my sister who was crying at that particular time. I found no reason to cry. I lived on her promise.

My mother, after her surgery, usually cannot sleep immediately at night. I sleep beside her, even before she got sick. As the days passed, after she was diagnosed with brain cancer, she found it hard to fall asleep; it may be due to dozens of medicines she was taking. I remembered how paranoid I was, even as young as I was back then. I would try my best not to fall asleep because from time to time I would hug her and feel her heart beat. I would check for her breath every now and then. I am so afraid that she might just die in her sleep – I am so afraid of losing her.

I remembered one night when we just talked. We talked about anything under the heat of the sun. I told her every little thing I had in mind and she just listened and gave comments from time to time. Then, I do not know how I arrived at that particular question; it just popped immediately in my head - I asked her how she felt when she first saw me.

The reaction she gave me is still fresh in my mind, even up to now. She paused after I asked her that question. Then unnoticeably, a tear fell from her eyes. She said that the moment she laid her eyes on me, she felt so blessed and so happy. She told me that what she felt can never be described in words, but she tried her best to explain in a way that I, as a young child, would understand. She told me that after seeing me for the very first time, she felt all the love one can imagine. She said that I was the best thing that ever happened to her. She then ceased narrating her feelings, and just continued crying. At that moment, I was puzzled.

After a moment of silence, she then told me how afraid she was. She told me that she was not afraid of death at all, she was afraid of not being with us. She was afraid that we would eventually forget her and the times we spent together. At that time, I did not understand what she meant. Then as the years passed, I began to understand what she told me. I and my sister had been the best thing that ever happened to her, and she had given us with so much love. And it isn’t dying that feared her; it is the thought of not being with us.

I realized how much she loves me and my sister. And that love had made us strong and mature. Her love was enough to make her children grow wonderfully, as what she had planned it to be. I realized how great her love was that even with her absence she was able to make us grow uprightly.

If there is one thing I want to happen, it would be to go back at the moment when she told me how afraid she was of not being with us. I would want to hug her and tell her that she shouldn’t be afraid because her great love for us was enough to make us feel that she had never left us. Her love and our memories together would always and forever be locked deep within our hearts. We love you Mommy! Merry Christmas!

A HOME WITHOUT A MOTHER

Since she left us, everything had changed.

I was ten years old when she passed away; I was living according to my rules, a happy-go-lucky child. I used to be very dependent to my parents. When I want something, I force my parents to buy it immediately. I can still remember when I wanted to learn swimming but my father strongly opposes it because he doesn't think it will be a good idea since I also have classes at school. I protested hard enough and so, I was able to get what I want.

Eight years later and a lot had developed. The pain that her absence brought me had helped me grow stronger to face everything with confidence.

I became more sensitive and more intimate with my family. Me and my dad bonded more often than ever. My sister and I began to talk everyday, sharing stories, our fears, problems, gossips - anything under the sun.

I grew more responsible than ever. I take care of my sister. I see to it that she is doing well in school. My father, on the other hand, serves as our protector and the family's breadwinner and in return, I give him what he deserves - love, care and respect. I study hard for my father because I want him to be happy.

After all the changes that happened in me, everything is now clear to see. God has reasons for making people stay and go.